How to Give Our Kids Real Encouragement
Five Messages to Keep on Repeat
How can we encourage our kids today? What messages do they need to hear?
In an age when anxiety among children and teens is on the rise, when social media often determines, or at least, influences one’s value, does the voice of a parent even carry weight?
I say yes, by choosing an intentional message, and putting it on repeat. One sentence at a time, consistently and frequently.
Here’s why I think our words carry more weight, even though our message is but one in the sea of messages flowing to our kids rapid-fire, night and day.
As parents, we see our child more clearly than their friends do. We don’t just see the glossy, filtered images; we see the real makeup of our children. We alone (as parents) know their history, their individual story. We know the battles they have faced, the times they’ve endured humiliation. We’ve walked through painful breakups and friend betrayals. We’ve watched them walk out the other side hurt and bruised, yet resilient, and hopeful as they keep putting themselves out there. We know their strength, and can remind them, particularly when they are struggling to find it.
We know their story, their beginning, the middle, and we may even have a glimpse of what the future holds for them. Not only do we know their story, but we know their wiring. We know their tendencies. We know their passions as well as their dislikes. We can help them see their strengths and weaknesses. We also have the wisdom that comes with age, and can help them see how to take a weakness and use it to grow. Or how one of their strengths can sometimes work against them. We have the ability to hold a mirror up to them and help them interpret the data, so to speak. We can be the voice speaking truth to them. We are not just an opinion; we speak from life experience…. and from living their entire life with them! We can call out traits that maybe no one their age would notice, things that might seem small or insignificant.
“You are so good at working with kids! That is a gift not everyone has.”
“I see how difficult this research project has been for you. But you’re determined and you’re going to get it done. I know you can do it.”
“You are so artistic! I never would have thought to have done that picture with those colors… that is so cool!”
“You are great at speaking in front of people, even though you get nervous. Remember, when you were in 5th grade, you ran for the leadership conference and you spoke to all the 5th graders? Yeah, you were so excited about that! You can do it again! I believe in you!”
“I see you’re disappointed in the results of this season of baseball. It’s hard, isn’t it? I’ve experienced disappointment too, so many times.”
These are just examples, but there are so many good phrases we can put on repeat to our kids- not in a cheap way, but intentionally calling attention to their history- their successes and victories- because WE BELIEVE IN THEM. We can also help them see themselves in a positive light and remind them of all the God-given talents and gifts in them. We remind them of the strength and drive and fortitude we’ve witnessed in them when they forget.
In summary, there are five key encouragements we can say in so many ways:
1. I see you. (I see what you’re going through. I see your pain. I see your hard work.)
2. I’m with you. (I enter into your suffering with you. I feel your joy and your pain, your highs and your lows. I celebrate the wins with you.)
3. I believe in you. (I come alongside you to support your efforts and decisions. I speak words of encouragement to you. I remind you of what is within you to accomplish what you are wanting to do.)
4. You can do it. ( I stand alongside you, cheering you on. I cannot do the thing for you, but when you falter, I will push you to keep pursuing.)
5. I love you. (You matter to me more than you know. You bless my life. You are a treasure.)
What message do you see your child needing today? Is there an area you see frustration or hurt or loneliness? How can you speak to their strengths? How can you remind them of past times they have struggled but gotten through it?
Find opportunities to speak encouragement to your child. Do it often. Let those words be on repeat to them. Even if your child acts like they hate it, these messages go deep inside and remind them they’re not alone and you believe in them. These words, spoken in love, help to silence the noise they hear from so many other sources telling them: they’re not good enough, pretty enough, skinny enough, popular enough, athletic enough, smart enough…. And the list never ends.
It feels like a trickle of water going against a sea of negativity. Yet, we give them words to hold onto. We give them the confidence that we are with them, and we see them as enough. We can speak to them that they have value, and that we believe in them.
What kind of words do you like to keep on your repeat to your child? I’d love to add to this list. What do you think are the most important things a child needs to hear?
As always, love to you parents…. You got this! Encourage your little (or not so little) one today!
