The Mom Expectations

Well-meaning people like to tell moms “You should take a rest!”

Or the new catch-phrase, practice ”self-care.”

The real problem, though, is not that we don’t rest once in a while. The problem is that we are trying to keep up with an impossible standard, and we haven’t even recognized it.

We’re all attempting to be supermom, and we don’t even see it.

 

We don’t seem to realize culture has set the bar so high for moms that no one can achieve it

(without lying, or photoshopping, or hiring full time help).

 

Let’s wise up to the expectations that are unwritten, yet entirely known:

 

You have to feed your kids organic food, bone broth, and whole grains only. (I don’t know…my kids all survived, and we ate McDonald’s once a week AT THE PLAYPLACE FULL OF GERMS, people.)

 

You have to keep your weight in check, and work out diligently; that is self-care and if you’re not healthy, you’re not setting the right example for your kids.

 

You need sleep and rest (that’s great encouragement, but do they have kids? Because we all know it’s a myth that children need so much sleep— believe me they can go all day like the energizer bunny on no sleep, starting at 4 am! Ask me how I know….)

 

Your children should be potty-trained by age 2, or maybe age 3 (if they’re a boy). If not, they won’t get into the three-year-old class at preschool, and then they will be behind for kindergarten, and basically for all of their scholastic years.

 

Your child must meet all the milestones at the prescribed times, and if they do not, obviously you are failing and need to reevaluate your whole parenting scheme. More tummy time! Double the flash cards! All the trips to the library! Baby exercise classes!

 

You need to spend time with your husband. Date nights are important. Get dressed up and put makeup on. Don’t talk about the kids. (I dig my heels in at this point.  We can say we won’t talk about the kids, and we try… but eventually we end up there anyway…ha!)

 

Not only does your house need to be clean, it needs to be Better Homes and Gardens cover-worthy. You should be scouring the discount stores and Target for the latest burlap table runner, and you can also pick up some (preferably fresh picked) pumpkins and cut some greenery out of your yard to scatter on this runner. Your home should include some DIY, because BLESS- we have so much free time on our hands- {said no mother ever}.

Many of us feel the pressure to produce or earn at least a part-time salary. We look for something we can do that gives as an identity beyond “just” mom. There’s nothing wrong with having goals and interests and pursuits outside of being mom. But can we check, to make sure we’re doing it for the right reasons? Are we doing it because we want to? Or maybe we need to. Or are we chasing after an identity or an achievement to give us worth? It’s a good thing to take time to consider.

I think most of us might not even realize the pressure we’ve internalized. We wouldn’t tell someone we feel somewhat disappointed in our lives because we haven’t finished decorating the wall in our dining room….YET, I know for me, I have the overwhelming feeling that what I’m doing is NEVER ENOUGH. I can spend countless hours looking for the ‘perfect’ painting for the wall, or the perfect knickknack to set on my mantle. There’s nothing wrong with decorating my house, but when I need to do it to measure up to some standard, it’s harmful. It’s not well with my soul. My focus turns to my accomplishments and achievements rather than my role as mom.  

These expectations seek to draw our attention away from what is important, and move it onto 20 moving targets that are not our children.

These are just a few of the expectations I have felt (yet not spoken) as a mom. I’m sure you can add a few more. What, as a mom, do you feel are expectations the world puts on you? I’d love for you to share. I think as we speak out the ways we feel we fall short, we can encourage each other to be brave and be free of what pressures the world wants us to carry.

Love to all you mamas. We’re in this together.