Our Invisible Measuring Stick

Put down the measuring stick!

 

You know, the one you use to measure how you did today- as a mom, as a wife, as a friend, as a professional?

 

If you say you don’t have a measuring rod, I’m going to call your bluff. We all do!

 

It’s not written down. It’s not spoken aloud. But it is as real as the yardstick leaning in my corner.

 

By it we know if we passed or failed today or this week or with one of our children.

 

If there was no measuring stick, then why would you feel like you were failing?

 

I bet those words have been voiced before- to our husband or mother or to a trusted friend: “I feel like I’m failing.”

 

The questions begs “How did we arrive at that conclusion?” What tells us we are failing?

 

Our own personal measuring rod, the one in our mind, the one that collects all our assessments of our behaviors and deeds for the day, and returns with a judgement: PASS or FAIL.

 

Nagging my husband over the unpaid bill: FAIL.

 

Yelling at the one kid who wouldn’t put his shoes on for school: FAIL.

 

Reaching out to the friend who just had surgery: PASS.

 

Dinner that only ⅖ of the family ate: FAIL.

 

Texted my mom: PASS.

 

Worked out today: PASS.

 

Put my daughter in the kids playroom at the gym, and she hit another kid: FAIL.

 

And then, as we’re keeping track of our day, when we collapse into our beds at night, we have chalked up the day as either being GOOD or BAD, a PASS or FAIL.

 

Days turn into weeks, into months, and we start to compile a perception of ourselves: as a whole, we are either PASSING or FAILING, SUCCESSES or FAILURES.

 

SO MANY TIMES I have come to the conclusion that I’m failing as a mom. Because if I tally my days, it feels like more fails than wins. But am I reaching the right conclusion? Is my system flawed?

I’ve to come to the conclusion this is not godly or right. Our judgments of ourselves are skewed by how we’ve configured our measuring sticks.

Let’s look at what God wants of us. His measure should be sufficient for us, right?

Jesus, in the New Testament, replaced the list of laws (thousands of them), saying they were all summed up in two:

• Love God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength.
• Love your neighbor as yourself. (Mark 12/Galatians 5:14)

 

The man who came to Jesus and opened this discussion wanted to know what he must do to enter God’s kingdom. And he felt confident in how he was doing according to the measuring stick of the law. He had summarized his performance in his mind and felt sure he had more passes than fails. Then Jesus, essentially, took away the measuring stick!

Jesus said we can’t determine earn our way to God by our ability to get more PASSES than FAILS. Measuring our behavior by doing a bunch of ‘right’ things isn’t what God is looking for. He replaced the prior way of living, which was keeping all the law, with two commands!

Oh, how I love simplicity! What if we exchanged our measuring rods for just two things to look for?  Today, did I love God today with everything I had? And did I love the people around me, and treat them the way I like to be treated?

 

(Note: there’s no mention of a clean house or a homemade meal or a paycheck or an accolade!)

 

How much easier that is! No tallying wins and failures! Just love.

 

I wonder how life would change if we would just focus our efforts on showing love….not accomplishments.

Did I show love to God today? Did I love the people in my family today? Did I love my friends today? Did I love my husband today? Did I love them well? Tomorrow, how can I love them well?

Mamas, we are too hard on ourselves, and we measure ourselves against an impossible standard.

Because I want all of us free, I implore you, I implore myself, to lay down the (invisible) measuring stick, the constant monitoring, the conclusions I’ve reached about whether I’m a good mom or not. Lay it down.  Let’s remind ourselves that we already measure up in God’s eyes, and accept that affirmation today. Then, let’s focus on loving well!